Posts Tagged ‘belief breakthrough’

Is it all in your head?

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

Do you suffer from

  • procrastination,
  • inability to focus,
  • racing from one “how-to-market” course to another in search of the magic bullet,
  • letting every little breeze distract you from your marketing?

May I ask how you do that? If I were to be you, how would I know how to start procrastinating? How would I know that it was time to distract myself with something (say, a breeze)? This is a very serious question.

From the inside it looks like things are happening to you. All of a sudden you have to check your email or do a little web research starting with FaceBook, make a post on Twitter, read a post on Twitter. Then you notice the time. OMG, I need to get dinner ready!

From the outside it looks like a person who has difficulty focusing and staying on task. The outsider doesn’t see any of the urgency you feel. Yet those feelings are real, right? You have a thought, a feeling and you go with the flow. Sometimes you go with the flow before you even know you’ve had a thought.

You’ve got sole control of your mind. You are the one who lets ideas and beliefs in and the one who is in charge of getting rid of those that no longer serve you.

Anonymous quote I like: Others can stop you temporarily, only you can do it permanently.

So, how do you stop yourself from taking action?

If I were to be you for a day, how would I know how and when to distract myself from marketing? Is it a voice, an image, a feeling, words? What would I have to call to mind so that I could keep myself from taking action and moving forward?

Try out this exercise. When you notice you’ve distracted yourself, stop and think about what you were doing, thinking and feeling before the distraction. Listen for voices, look for images, see or hear the words, locate the feeling in your body. Now, actually describe out loud what someone else would have to do to get the feelings and thoughts that distracted you.

Next, ask yourself these questions:

  • What would happen if I stopped that loop of thinking? What would be possible?
  • What could I think about instead that would move me forward?
  • What is the thought I must think that will move me towards what I want?

This exercise may take a little practice to find the answers. You may become aware that you’ve distracted yourself hours or days later. Keep practicing.

If you follow through you will learn what has been going on in your mind behind your back, so to speak. You will identify the cues that send you scurrying for a distraction, a way to put yourself to “sleep” so you don’t have to feel what you were on the verge of feeling before you distracted yourself.

This is powerful medicine. You are recognizing your beliefs that are sabotaging your creation of the business you want and the expression of yourself in the world. Awareness is the first step to a breakthrough.

Let me know the ‘aha’ you get from doing this exercise. Email me at drlik@beliefbreakthrough.com

Are you playing hide and seek with your marketing?

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

3 daisies
You hide and your clients are suppose to seek you?

There are so many ways I see solo-entrepreneurs hiding out and wishing and hoping that clients will magically show up.

The first tenet of healing marketing phobia is: You Matter. You must be willing to embrace your authentic self and share yourself with your potential ideal clients. The frame you put around this picture really matters. If you are seeing yourself as a floozy in the Bowry hustling sleazy clients you won’t get anywhere. If you are graciously inviting people you like and who interest you to your dinner party then you’ve got the start of a powerful motivator for you to market your business. I thought if I whispered the words they wouldn’t scare you.

Here are 4 ways solo-entrepreneurs hide out and how you can breakthrough your lack of confidence so you can seek out those people who truly want and need your services:

  1. Wondering what your message is and working on crafting it just right before you say a word.
    As long as you are busily crafting something, you have no time to talk to anyone. It is what your subconscious mind has secretly hoped: that clients will show up and beg to work with you and you never have to truly connect, engage or share your self and your business.

    Here’s the shift: You are not looking for any clients. You are not trying to convince someone to work with you. All you are doing is talking about something you believe to be true, sharing something that is important to you: massages can help with stress and enhance physical therapy; eating fresh produce from the farmers’ market is an excellent way to get great tasting food and support your local farmers; exercising builds resiliency in the body. The more you talk about what you know and believe the faster you will become clear on your message and at the same time connect with people.

  2. Refusing to accept and use your personal power.
    This is a biggey for women and it really shows up when they become entrepreneurs. The act of becoming an entrepreneur is stating to the world (and yourself) that you want to create something that is a bigger expression of you. You make that declaration and then you proceed to undermine it by refusing to take responsibility for the creation, make decisions as the creator, take charge of how you think and behave so you can create what you want.

    The Shift: Decide if you are running a business or a hobby. If it is a hobby then stop worrying about marketing and just enjoy doing your hobby. If you are running a business, then you must start acting like a business person. With one restriction you can define “business person” in almost anyway you want. The restriction is that the thing you call your business generates revenue and a profit. Let your creativity and values define how you are as a business person.

  3. Regularly trading your services for the services of others.
    It is not that trading is bad it is the hiding it allows you to do, that is bad. If you trade you don’t have to talk about money. You can pretend you are running a business without touching money. You never have to ask for the person’s business. You can avoid standing in your power, expressing your authentic self and behaving like a business person.

    The Shift: If you want the person’s services, then pay for them. This is an act of respecting yourself and the person/business from whom you are buying. If you think the only way you can afford their services is to trade then you cannot afford their services. Save your money or find yourself a client so you can pay. This act will give you and them legitimacy as business people in your mind. The more you believe you are the real owner of a business the more seriously you will take yourself and the work required to build a thriving business.

  4. Carrying the fear of rejection into every conversation you have.
    If you start out thinking someone doesn’t want what you are offering, or even worse doesn’t want you, you will automatically put yourself on the defensive. Being on the defensive means you’ll miss everything this person is telling you they want help with and most likely you will never share anything about your true self that would allow this person to connect with you.

    The Shift: Engaging and sharing with someone who might be interested in your business means you must be open and curious about them. It is all about them and all about connection. Your only focus is to take an interest in them, ask them questions, learn about their problems in your area of expertise. Get comfortable with expressing your beliefs and opinions and let the person respond however they will respond. When someone vigorously disagrees with you or isn’t interested in your opinions, you can silently say: “Phew! I’m glad I didn’t invite that person to my dinner party.”

I know hiding is comfortable. I did it for years. This is your choice: continue hiding, continue to pretend that you own and run a business and decide that you and your dreams aren’t worth the effort of changing OR decide you are worth the effort of becoming who you want to be and commit to the journey of growth taking it one concrete step at a time.

As you come out of hiding you’ll be rewarded with a delicious feeling of gratitude and high energy for being authentic and confident. 3 daisies

Are you suffering from Marketing Phobia?

Saturday, August 21st, 2010

Are you part of the segment of entrepreneurs that have marketing phobia or have experienced marketing trauma? This is not a small minority of the entrepreneurial population. I’ve seen it mostly with women and mostly in the heart-centered, helping professions: healing, teaching, coaching, serving, supporting. The professions where people with very big passions for changing and healing the world congregate.

Marketing phobia has these symptoms:

  • procrastination,
  • wild swings of motivation (super excited and moving forward only to crash and burn a little later),
  • fear of rejection,
  • fear of criticism and judgment,
  • fear of not meeting expectations,
  • fear of showing who you really are at your core,
  • fear taking action or hiding in a flurry of activity
  • severe doubt about capability of handling change and challenge

Some of you may be saying, I have all these symptoms at one time or another am I really marketing phobic? Only if these symptoms can stop you dead in your tracks and it takes you days, weeks, months (or even years) to get back on track, do you truly have marketing phobia. If your business is failing or stagnant (and you want it to grow) you may be suffering from marketing phobia.

Another marketing phobia indicator

Most often people with marketing phobia race to another “how-to” course in marketing or in their profession specialty as a way of coping with the phobia. They believe that if they truly knew enough or the right things then marketing would be easy. After all, it is easy for all the people they are learning from, i.e., those people are filling their classes and making money, right?

The real problem

Have you ever wondered why successful marketing coaches are successful? Or even better, how they are successful? Probably. And you probably came to the conclusion that what they are doing, the system they use, the knowledge of marketing that is in their head is what makes them successful. You would be only partly right and unfortunately not the most important part.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not dissing marketing or the people who teach it. It is a very important concept and structure that helps us create systems for creating connection with those who need and want our services most. However, if that was all there was to it then we would all just pick a system that works best for us and our tribe, do what the system dictates and be done with it. We probably wouldn’t need oodles of systems and we certainly wouldn’t need oodles of people to teach us how to market using these systems.

The missing piece

But we have oodles of systems because we are trying to teach something that is not teachable through learning a system for connecting; creating trust, visibility, likability; and offering our wares.

What is this mysterious something that everyone is having difficulty teaching? Before I describe it (because we don’t yet have a name for it), I want to give you a few ideas to try on. First according to Steve Andreas, co-founder of NLP Comprehensive: “…self-esteem is a natural and automatic result of a self-concept that is aligned with your values.” According to Caroline Myss self-esteem is something much greater than self-confidence; it is your core power and that your potential for success in life is determined by how greatly you “esteem” or value who you truly are.

I believe what marketers and marketing coaches are having difficulty teaching is how to become internally congruent when doing the actions that create connection, trust, visibility, likability and also offer our wares. This congruency rests on our self-concepts and our Self-esteem (in the Myss sense).

These three things are simultaneously building blocks with any two being the foundation for the third and also a network that has each one influencing the other two. In other words they are complex system whose interactions register in our internal world as beliefs and in the external world as our behaviors.

How it works

People who are highly successful with their marketing for their business are highly internally congruent when doing their marketing. They have beliefs about what they are capable of, who they are, the meaning of their business to them and to the world that fully support them being their authentic selves while marketing.

Whatever doubts or concerns they have, have been handled with their beliefs about themselves and the world. This is all internal to their mind. What we see on the outside is someone who acts with conviction and decisively, is motivated and gets results. They already have, in the way their minds operate, the most powerful part of their success. When the client also has the internal congruency and then is taught “the system,” they experience the profound success of their mentor/coach.

With internal congruency, supporting self-concepts and Self-esteem you can have success with or without a system because if you don’t have a system you will automatically make one up that works for you. If you have a system but not the internal structure that aligns with the system, you’ll never have success.

Change can happen rapidly and easily

Changing beliefs, behaviors, self-concepts, or self-esteem can happen as a result of simply doing different behaviors, however that kind of change was already in the offing. When a person is seriously stuck, as in marketing phobia, the more a person tries to change by changing behavior, the harder it becomes to do the new behavior and the more intense the symptoms of the problem become.

That is when a belief change specialist, like me, is required. Someone who can align the person’s self-concepts with their values, heal wounds that undermine self-esteem, create congruency, and reframe limiting views in order to create flexible responses and increase choices. When this is done appropriately, the person gains an internal sense of capacity, clarity and lightness that propels them forward enabling them to act with commitment and consistency in achieving the results they want.

These changes can happen rapidly and easily. They can also drag on depending on the person’s openness to change and exploring themselves. The changes should not be viewed as ‘fixing’ someone. We are not broken. The changes are part of a journey we are always on to congruency and authentic self expression. You might also term the destination of this journey as Whole Life Health.

So a person with market phobia can completely and congruently remove the phobia by restructuring their beliefs, aligning their perceptions and framing of the outside world with their self-concepts and their values, and developing their Self-esteem.

What you can do about it

If you’ve experienced inertia, procrastination, crippling fears and doubts, inability to act or stay in action with your marketing there is a way for you to completely change your experience with and reaction to marketing so that you can marry the creative authentic you to the financially successful you for a whole you that operates with integrity and grace; easily claiming your expertise and sharing your gifts with those who need and want you most.

  • Are you ready to take all that knowledge and learning you’ve accumulated and put it to work for you?
  • Are you ready to empower yourself so you can improve your life and the lives of others?
  • Would it be OK with you if marketing your business became easy and fun?

Then contact me for your free “Breakthrough Marketing Phobia” Session at drlik@beliefbreakthrough.com

Is the Fear of Rejection Stopping You From Getting A Client?

Wednesday, August 18th, 2010

Or even worse…stopping you from building your business?
Do you

  • think of yourself as “lazy” when it comes to marketing?
  • really want your business to thrive but can’t be that pushy person that gets sales?
  • think that what you do (your creative gift to the world) can’t possibly share the same body as the person you ‘know’ you’d have to be to market (and sell) your business?
  • think that marketing your business is hard work?
  • think that there are more important places to put your time like creating your next “sure to sell” product/course, getting your website up, or taking care of your family?

Well you are very much not alone. The above list are signs that what is really stopping you is the fear of someone saying no to what you are offering. In my business, I see so many women solo-entrepreneurs that are not creating the thriving businesses they want because, and I’m going to be very blunt here, they are terrified to show up as who they truly are because what if someone (i.e., a prospective client) does not like who they truly are? They would be crushed.

There was a time when I too, felt this way. I wanted so much to be liked by everyone and especially anyone I thought could benefit from my services. I saw every interaction as a ‘yes or no’ vote on my likability and therefore my worth in the world. Phew! Just visiting that place again in my mind is exhausting.

And it is exhausting for you, too. Equating a person wanting or not wanting your services or products with your value, likability or worthiness sets you up for constantly being in a mode of protection which generates the flight or fight response. You are constantly looking for threats and how to deal with them when interacting with prospective clients. Do you think if you are looking for the ways this person might harm you that, at the same time, you can also look for opportunities where you could help this person? It is impossible to do that. You must change the belief that people are voting for or against you, the person, when they say yes or no to your services or products.

Here are three things you can do to change the fear of rejection into curiosity (the most powerful antidote to fear. In fact curiosity is the opposite of fear, not courage)

The antidote to rejection

    1) Get a different perspective. In your mind, step outside the interaction. View the conversation as if you were a third party watching. Notice what you are doing and what the prospective client is doing. Ask yourself, how can I connect with this person? How do I show them that I am really interested in their problem? What is it that they really want?

    2) Know it’s about them. Whatever the prospect is saying and doing is always coming from their world view where they are the center of all action. It is how all of us operate, especially when we are asked questions about our problems. Whether they want your services or not actually says nothing about what your services are worth in an absolute sense (and there is no point in even thinking about that topic because there is nothing absolute about marketing it is all relative to a particular person’s particular world view). Saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to you is always about them, their perspective of themselves in the world and how you might fit into that perspective.

    3) Stop your story-telling. Stop making up stories that have you at the center: my prices are too high; they don’t like my work; they don’t like me; I’m not good enough; I don’t have enough experience. Start making up stories that have them at the center: they have concerns that need to be addressed; they are wondering if what I am offering will really work for them; they are scared to take that next step; they really want to do this and are uncertain how to make the finances work; they really want to do this and are wondering about the time commitment.

Use these 3 ways of changing how you interact with a prospective client and watch how easy it is to connect, share and show you care. Then hear them say ‘yes!’ to working with you.

If fear is stopping you from getting the most out of your marketing (and by the way, getting the most out of your business) then contact me at drlik@beliefbreakthrough.com for a free, private Clarity, Focus, Action Breakthrough Session. Send me an email, now.