Our beliefs whether limiting or empowering are our choice.

Change your beliefs and you change your reality. It is that simple and very often that easy, if you have the right tools.

We can think about our behaviors as being mobilized by all the beliefs we have. When we think that some behavior is important or unimportant it is because of a belief we hold about that behavior. The action we take in our lives is directed by the beliefs we hold; not by will power, common sense or discipline. Will power, common sense and discipline are the results of beliefs, rather than mysterious entities on their own.

Beliefs act as filters for the enormous (and I mean enormous) amounts of data that come through our senses both externally and internally. Beliefs are used by our conscious and subconscious minds to decide what is worthy of attention and what can be dropped on the cutting room floor, so to speak. It is in this deciding what is worthy of attention that our reality gets created.

So we have beliefs determining what we act on (as well as how we act) and beliefs filtering what we perceive of the world. We can also add that we use beliefs to interpret the world, i.e., create the meaning and story that is us and our lives.

I use to work with a gentleman who was paralyzed from the waist down and had difficulty moving his arms and fingers. He was a small man and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. When I first met him and learned what his health challenges were, I thought what a tough life. After about a year of working with him I learned that he was an accomplished bird watcher and took exotic trips every year
looking for rare birds. He enumerated his travel locations and I thought I’ve got two good legs and arms and I’ve only dreamed of going to those places.

This man believed it was possible for him to do these things and that it was important for him to do them now, not in some future dream time.

Is the business you want off in some future dream time? Are you believing that “it’s going to take years and a lot of hard work to get what you want”? What opportunities are you missing? What advice or coaching have you dismissed as useless? Where have you stopped acting when continuing would have brought you success? Where would you be now if you had consistently taken action since last year? Do you believe that if you could just find that last secret, you’d be successful?

Are you ready for a different experience? I mean really ready? Stay-tuned I have something in the works for you.

Do you suffer from

• procrastination,
• inability to focus,
• racing from one “how-to-market” course to another in search of the magic bullet,
• letting every little breeze distract you from your marketing?

May I ask how you do that? If I were to be you, how would I know how to start procrastinating? How would I know that it was time to distract myself with something (say, a breeze)? This is a very serious question.

From the inside it looks like things are happening to you. All of a sudden you have to check your email or do a little web research starting with FaceBook, make a post on Twitter, read a post on Twitter. Then you notice the time. OMG, I need to get dinner ready!

From the outside it looks like a person who has difficulty focusing and staying on task. The outsider doesn’t see any of the urgency you feel. Yet those feelings are real, right? You have a thought, a feeling and you go with the flow. Sometimes you go with the flow before you even know you’ve had a thought.

You’ve got sole control of your mind. You are the one who lets ideas and beliefs in and the one who is in charge of getting rid of those that no longer serve you.

Anonymous quote I like: Others can stop you temporarily, only you can do it permanently.

So, how do you stop yourself from taking action?

If I were to be you for a day, how would I know how and when to distract myself from marketing? Is it a voice, an image, a feeling, words? What would I have to call to mind so that I could keep myself from taking action and moving forward?

Try out this exercise. When you notice you’ve distracted yourself, stop and think about what you were doing, thinking and feeling before the distraction. Listen for voices, look for images, see or hear the words, locate the feeling in your body. Now, actually describe out loud what someone else would have to do to get the feelings and thoughts that distracted you.

Next, ask yourself these questions:

• What would happen if I stopped that loop of thinking? What would be possible?
• What could I think about instead that would move me forward?
• What is the thought I must think that will move me towards what I want?

This exercise may take a little practice to find the answers. You may become aware that you’ve distracted yourself hours or days later. Keep practicing.

If you follow through you will learn what has been going on in your mind behind your back, so to speak. You will identify the cues that send you scurrying for a distraction, a way to put yourself to “sleep” so you don’t have to feel what you were on the verge of feeling before you distracted yourself.

This is powerful medicine. You are recognizing your beliefs that are sabotaging your creation of the business you want and the expression of yourself in the world. Awareness is the first step to a breakthrough.

Let me know the ‘aha’ you get from doing this exercise. Email me at drlik@beliefbreakthrough.com

You hide and your clients are suppose to seek you?

There are so many ways I see solo-entrepreneurs hiding out and wishing and hoping that clients will magically show up.

The first tenet of healing marketing phobia is: You Matter. You must be willing to embrace your authentic self and share yourself with your potential ideal clients. The frame you put around this picture really matters. If you are seeing yourself as a floozy in the Bowry hustling sleazy clients you won’t get anywhere. If you are graciously inviting people you like and who interest you to your dinner party then you’ve got the start of a powerful motivator for you to market your business. I thought if I whispered the words they wouldn’t scare you.

Here are 4 ways solo-entrepreneurs hide out and how you can breakthrough your lack of confidence so you can seek out those people who truly want and need your services:

• Wondering what your message is and working on crafting it just right before you say a word.

As long as you are busily crafting something, you have no time to talk to anyone. It is what your subconscious mind has secretly hoped: that clients will show up and beg to work with you and you never have to truly connect, engage or share your self and your business.

Here’s the shift: You are not looking for any clients. You are not trying to convince someone to work with you. All you are doing is talking about something you believe to be true, sharing something that is important to you: massages can help with stress and enhance physical therapy; eating fresh produce from the farmers’ market is an excellent way to get great tasting food and support your local farmers; exercising builds resiliency in the body. The more you talk about what you know and believe the faster you will become clear on your message and at the same time connect with people.

• Refusing to accept and use your personal power.

This is a biggey for women and it really shows up when they become entrepreneurs. The act of becoming an entrepreneur is stating to the world (and yourself) that you want to create something that is a bigger expression of you. You make that declaration and then you proceed to undermine it by refusing to take responsibility for the creation, make decisions as the creator, take charge of how you think and behave so you can create what you want.

The Shift: Decide if you are running a business or a hobby. If it is a hobby then stop worrying about marketing and just enjoy doing your hobby. If you are running a business, then you must start acting like a business person. With one restriction you can define “business person” in almost anyway you want. The restriction is that the thing you call your business generates revenue and a profit. Let your creativity and values define how you are as a business person.

• Regularly trading your services for the services of others.

It is not that trading is bad it is the hiding it allows you to do, that is bad. If you trade you don’t have to talk about money. You can pretend you are running a business without touching money. You never have to ask for the person’s business. You can avoid standing in your power, expressing your authentic self and behaving like a business person.

The Shift: If you want the person’s services, then pay for them. This is an act of respecting yourself and the person/business from whom you are buying. If you think the only way you can afford their services is to trade then you cannot afford their services. Save your money or find yourself a client so you can pay. This act will give you and them legitimacy as business people in your mind. The more you believe you are the real owner of a business the more seriously you will take yourself and the work required to build a thriving business.

• Carrying the fear of rejection into every conversation you have.

If you start out thinking someone doesn’t want what you are offering, or even worse doesn’t want you, you will automatically put yourself on the defensive. Being on the defensive means you’ll miss everything this person is telling you they want help with and most likely you will never share anything about your true self that would allow this person to connect with you.

The Shift: Engaging and sharing with someone who might be interested in your business means you must be open and curious about them. It is all about them and all about connection. Your only focus is to take an interest in them, ask them questions, learn about their problems in your area of expertise. Get comfortable with expressing your beliefs and opinions and let the person respond however they will respond. When someone vigorously disagrees with you or isn’t interested in your opinions, you can silently say: “Phew! I’m glad I didn’t invite that person to my dinner party.”

I know hiding is comfortable. I did it for years. This is your choice: continue hiding, continue to pretend that you own and run a business and decide that you and your dreams aren’t worth the effort of changing OR decide you are worth the effort of becoming who you want to be and commit to the journey of growth taking it one concrete step at a time.

As you come out of hiding you’ll be rewarded with a delicious feeling of gratitude and high energy for being authentic and confident.

Are you part of the segment of entrepreneurs that have marketing phobia or have experienced marketing trauma? This is not a small minority of the entrepreneurial population. I’ve seen it mostly with women and mostly in the heart-centered, helping professions: healing, teaching, coaching, serving, supporting. The professions where people with very big passions for changing and healing the world congregate.

Marketing phobia has these symptoms:

• procrastination,
• wild swings of motivation (super excited and moving forward only to crash and burn a little later),
• fear of rejection,
• fear of criticism and judgment,
• fear of not meeting expectations,
• fear of showing who you really are at your core,
• fear taking action or hiding in a flurry of activity
• severe doubt about capability of handling change and challenge

Some of you may be saying, I have all these symptoms at one time or another am I really marketing phobic? Only if these symptoms can stop you dead in your tracks and it takes you days, weeks, months (or even years) to get back on track, do you truly have marketing phobia. If your business is failing or stagnant (and you want it to grow) you may be suffering from marketing phobia.

Another marketing phobia indicator

Most often people with marketing phobia race to another “how-to” course in marketing or in their profession specialty as a way of coping with the phobia. They believe that if they truly knew enough or the right things then marketing would be easy. After all, it is easy for all the people they are learning from, i.e., those people are filling their classes and making money, right?

The real problem

Have you ever wondered why successful marketing coaches are successful? Or even better, how they are successful? Probably. And you probably came to the conclusion that what they are doing, the system they use, the knowledge of marketing that is in their head is what makes them successful. You would be only partly right and unfortunately not the most important part.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not dissing marketing or the people who teach it. It is a very important concept and structure that helps us create systems for creating connection with those who need and want our services most. However, if that was all there was to it then we would all just pick a system that works best for us and our tribe, do what the system dictates and be done with it. We probably wouldn’t need oodles of systems and we certainly wouldn’t need oodles of people to teach us how to market using these systems.

The missing piece

But we have oodles of systems because we are trying to teach something that is not teachable through learning a system for connecting; creating trust, visibility, likability; and offering our wares.

What is this mysterious something that everyone is having difficulty teaching? Before I describe it (because we don’t yet have a name for it), I want to give you a few ideas to try on. First according to Steve Andreas, co-founder of NLP Comprehensive: “…self-esteem is a natural and automatic result of a self-concept that is aligned with your values.” According to Caroline Myss self-esteem is something much greater than self-confidence; it is your core power and that your potential for success in life is determined by how greatly you “esteem” or value who you truly are.

I believe what marketers and marketing coaches are having difficulty teaching is how to become internally congruent when doing the actions that create connection, trust, visibility, likability and also offer our wares. This congruency rests on our self-concepts and our Self-esteem (in the Myss sense).

These three things are simultaneously building blocks with any two being the foundation for the third and also a network that has each one influencing the other two. In other words they are complex system whose interactions register in our internal world as beliefs and in the external world as our behaviors.

How it works

People who are highly successful with their marketing for their business are highly internally congruent when doing their marketing. They have beliefs about what they are capable of, who they are, the meaning of their business to them and to the world that fully support them being their authentic selves while marketing.

Whatever doubts or concerns they have, have been handled with their beliefs about themselves and the world. This is all internal to their mind. What we see on the outside is someone who acts with conviction and decisively, is motivated and gets results. They already have, in the way their minds operate, the most powerful part of their success. When the client also has the internal congruency and then is taught “the system,” they experience the profound success of their mentor/coach.

With internal congruency, supporting self-concepts and Self-esteem you can have success with or without a system because if you don’t have a system you will automatically make one up that works for you. If you have a system but not the internal structure that aligns with the system, you’ll never have success.

Change can happen rapidly and easily

Changing beliefs, behaviors, self-concepts, or self-esteem can happen as a result of simply doing different behaviors, however that kind of change was already in the offing. When a person is seriously stuck, as in marketing phobia, the more a person tries to change by changing behavior, the harder it becomes to do the new behavior and the more intense the symptoms of the problem become.

That is when a belief change specialist, like me, is required. Someone who can align the person’s self-concepts with their values, heal wounds that undermine self-esteem, create congruency, and reframe limiting views in order to create flexible responses and increase choices. When this is done appropriately, the person gains an internal sense of capacity, clarity and lightness that propels them forward enabling them to act with commitment and consistency in achieving the results they want.

These changes can happen rapidly and easily. They can also drag on depending on the person’s openness to change and exploring themselves. The changes should not be viewed as ‘fixing’ someone. We are not broken. The changes are part of a journey we are always on to congruency and authentic self expression. You might also term the destination of this journey as Whole Life Health.

So a person with market phobia can completely and congruently remove the phobia by restructuring their beliefs, aligning their perceptions and framing of the outside world with their self-concepts and their values, and developing their Self-esteem.

What you can do about it

If you’ve experienced inertia, procrastination, crippling fears and doubts, inability to act or stay in action with your marketing there is a way for you to completely change your experience with and reaction to marketing so that you can marry the creative authentic you to the financially successful you for a whole you that operates with integrity and grace; easily claiming your expertise and sharing your gifts with those who need and want you most.

• Are you ready to take all that knowledge and learning you’ve accumulated and put it to work for you?
• Are you ready to empower yourself so you can improve your life and the lives of others?
• Would it be OK with you if marketing your business became easy and fun?

Then contact me for your free “Breakthrough Marketing Phobia” Session at drlik@beliefbreakthrough.com

Or even worse…stopping you from building your business?
Do you

• think of yourself as “lazy” when it comes to marketing?
• really want your business to thrive but can’t be that pushy person that gets sales?
• think that what you do (your creative gift to the world) can’t possibly share the same body as the person you ‘know’ you’d have to be to market (and sell) your business?
• think that marketing your business is hard work?
• think that there are more important places to put your time like creating your next “sure to sell” product/course, getting your website up, or taking care of your family?

Well you are very much not alone. The above list are signs that what is really stopping you is the fear of someone saying no to what you are offering. In my business, I see so many women solo-entrepreneurs that are not creating the thriving businesses they want because, and I’m going to be very blunt here, they are terrified to show up as who they truly are because what if someone (i.e., a prospective client) does not like who they truly are? They would be crushed.

There was a time when I too, felt this way. I wanted so much to be liked by everyone and especially anyone I thought could benefit from my services. I saw every interaction as a ‘yes or no’ vote on my likability and therefore my worth in the world. Phew! Just visiting that place again in my mind is exhausting.

And it is exhausting for you, too. Equating a person wanting or not wanting your services or products with your value, likability or worthiness sets you up for constantly being in a mode of protection which generates the flight or fight response. You are constantly looking for threats and how to deal with them when interacting with prospective clients. Do you think if you are looking for the ways this person might harm you that, at the same time, you can also look for opportunities where you could help this person? It is impossible to do that. You must change the belief that people are voting for or against you, the person, when they say yes or no to your services or products.

Here are three things you can do to change the fear of rejection into curiosity (the most powerful antidote to fear. In fact curiosity is the opposite of fear, not courage)

The antidote to rejection

1) Get a different perspective. In your mind, step outside the interaction. View the conversation as if you were a third party watching. Notice what you are doing and what the prospective client is doing. Ask yourself, how can I connect with this person? How do I show them that I am really interested in their problem? What is it that they really want?

2) Know it’s about them. Whatever the prospect is saying and doing is always coming from their world view where they are the center of all action. It is how all of us operate, especially when we are asked questions about our problems. Whether they want your services or not actually says nothing about what your services are worth in an absolute sense (and there is no point in even thinking about that topic because there is nothing absolute about marketing it is all relative to a particular person’s particular world view). Saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to you is always about them, their perspective of themselves in the world and how you might fit into that perspective.

3) Stop your story-telling. Stop making up stories that have you at the center: my prices are too high; they don’t like my work; they don’t like me; I’m not good enough; I don’t have enough experience. Start making up stories that have them at the center: they have concerns that need to be addressed; they are wondering if what I am offering will really work for them; they are scared to take that next step; they really want to do this and are uncertain how to make the finances work; they really want to do this and are wondering about the time commitment.

Use these 3 ways of changing how you interact with a prospective client and watch how easy it is to connect, share and show you care. Then hear them say ‘yes!’ to working with you.

If fear is stopping you from getting the most out of your marketing (and by the way, getting the most out of your business) then contact me at drlik@beliefbreakthrough.com for a free, private Clarity, Focus, Action Breakthrough Session. Send me an email, now.

When I was around 8, I use to watch Mission Impossible with my father and brother. I think that’s when I became addicted to mysteries, spy stories and thrillers. At the time I thought accepting any of Mr. Phelps’ missions would be so much more interesting than my 8-year old life so who wouldn’t say yes? And besides it all worked out right in the end, yes?

Mission Impossible was all about getting the ‘bad guys’ to think they were in some situation that they weren’t and then tripping themselves up and giving away the MacGuffin, as Alfred Hitchcock called it. This show must of had a bigger impact on me than I thought because it is the premise of my work, only in reverse, sort of.

I get the ‘good guys’ to ‘untrip’ themselves and keep the MacGuffin; actually they get to do something that is far more important: they get to create internal congruence which creates a powerful clarity and focus that drives the expression of their authentic selves and the sharing of their gifts through their business. And as a result they attain their financial desires.

When I asked if you were turning your business building into Mission Impossible, I really meant it. Is the reality you’ve created for yourself in your business tripping you up and keeping you playing small? Do you find yourself resisting connecting with clients or prospects or resist offering your services for a fair exchange of money (aka, selling)?

Just like in Mission Impossible you are responding to what you think is true in your world and what you think is true has everything to do with what you believe and the judgments you make as a result of those beliefs. Opening up space to see, hear and feel your world differently is one of the first steps to restructuring your beliefs into ones that support and empower you.

Try this short exercise and see how it opens your perspective and how that shifts how you feel and think.

Think of a particular issue you are currently having in your business. Something specific, a relationship that needs attention or a task or decision you’ve been putting off. Think of three mentors that could help you with this issue. The mentors can be human or non-human, imaginary or real, current with you in time or from some other time.

Place them around you in an imaginary circle. Tell the first mentor what the issue is, out loud. Ask for the assistance you want. Now step into the space the  first mentor occupies and turn to face where you were standing. Assume the identity of the mentor by standing as they would stand, observing as they would observe, listening as they would listen. Hear the statement of the issue and respond as the mentor would.

Then return to the physical position that represents you and listen to the mentor’s response. If you want to clarify something or ask another question, repeat the process. When you are done with this mentor, repeat the process for each of the other two mentors.

Now you have four perspectives on your issue. Four suggestions about how to go about resolving the issue (and probably even more information). Choose an approach or mix and match and decide what your next action will be and by when you will act.

Let me know how it goes at drlik@beliefbreakthrough.com

If you are ready for your free “Breakthrough Marketing Phobia” Session then contact me at drlik@beliefbreakthrough.com

A new perspective on what really gets you fired up

When we lack motivation, what we think we need more of is will power. That if we were truly good at what we do (and by inference truly good human beings) we would have the will power to create all the motivation we need for whatever we want.

Having these thoughts can cause you a lot of anguish and that anguish only fuels the fires of de-motivation. Let’s look at this from another perspective that can help you decipher what is really happening to your motivation.

More will power does not equal more motivation

First, let go of the notion that more will power gets you more motivation. Will power is actually a result of super motivation. What looks like will power to the rest of us is only a highly congruent and motivated person’s mode of behaving. I say “only” because once you are in that highly congruent state (all fibers of your being want what you are going for), you easily and naturally act in a way that is judged to have a lot of will power.

Second, your abundance or lack of motivation is an indicator of your internal state: what you believe, who you think you are and your values. When you believe you are capable and deserving of what you want, that a person like you can achieve that want and that the want supports your values, you are congruent. The internal congruency will provide all the motivation you need to get you what you want.

When there are limiting beliefs like: I don’t have what it takes; this is too hard; I’m too ______ (fill in the blank); I could never ________; I never get what I want; work is hard; I’m not good enough; you have to work hard for money; it’s a jungle out there; just to name a few, these beliefs filter how we see the world, what we think we are capable of and what we think is possible. They touch and color every aspect of our lives creating the experience we call reality. Empowering beliefs do the same on the positive side making it possible for each of us to do things that amaze us and those around us.

If your beliefs don’t support you, you can forget motivation

What is important when it comes to motivation is whether the beliefs we hold are supporting us getting what we want or hindering us. When our beliefs support us or in other words are congruent with what we want, the motivation is automatically there. We don’t have to manufacture it or the will power to get what we want.

So what is happening when I can’t motivate myself to get new clients?

Now let’s bring this into specifics about how your motivation is affecting attracting the ideal clients for you. And let’s further focus on “not having enough motivation.” We easily distract ourselves with tasks that seem to be important, we don’t have the energy to do what we know we need to do and at the end of the day, week, month we are no closer to our goal of ‘x’ new clients (even one new one would be nice).

Ask yourself the question: “Who would I have to be to attract the clients I want?” What is the image that comes to mind? Or the words or feelings? These are the beliefs (or clues to the beliefs) you hold about what is possible for you and your business. Next ask: “If I were that person (or had that trait), what would that mean?” Keep asking these questions of yourself until you turn up some “aha’s.” Write them down.

These two questions: who would I be and what would that mean, get at the heart of our beliefs and the value judgments we make from those beliefs. When the value judgment does not match with our values we have an internal incongruity and moving forward in that place of incongruity ranges from a little bit difficult to impossible. These questions also point to us to our view of the world. A implies B; given A we must get B.

The magic is in your “hands”

Here is the magic. The set of beliefs you find is only one set that can be arrived at from the experiences you’ve had. The set of value judgments are only one set of judgments that can be made from that set of beliefs. There are many, many different ways to generate a set of beliefs and value judgments out of a set of experiences all with varying degrees of creating congruity. We are not stuck with the single version of reality that we’ve created. What I believe, is that the world is flexible enough and each of us is creative enough that we can generate the beliefs that support our values and spur us on to the action that gets us what we truly desire. Decide what you want to believe in and watch level of your motivation and business, rise.

Send me an email at drlik@beliefbreakthrough.com and let me know what your aha’s are.