The Lone Ranger was actually one of my favorite characters as a child. Single-handedly righting wrongs, doing good and riding a horse; you couldn’t get much cooler than that. I carried that image into college and adulthood. Unfortunately, as keen as I was to do it all by myself and to do it my way, those beliefs only served to make anything I attempted that much harder.

It took me decades to realize that women prefer a group approach to doing just about anything. We love cooking together, watching the kids together, doing projects together, eating together. We even go to restrooms together! It also took me decades to realize that working with group support was more fun, more creative, more powerful.

I now enjoy mastermind groups for my business, workout groups for my exercise, walking groups for my dog walks. To be sure, I spend a lot of time thinking, being and doing on my own. However, when I need a breakthrough, when I need the support that is going to carry me over the hump, when I want to celebrate my progress, I turn to another powerful woman or group of women and we all get on the horse together to ride into the sunset.

I’m not opposed to inviting men into these groups; I’ve just found that many more women than men are comfortable in that space of unconditional support, collaboration and win-win thinking. My hope is that women will make a bigger effort to create these powerful experiences for their sons so they have a chance to model a different way of interacting and experiencing community.

So where are you? Still on the horse by yourself? Think about how you can add powerful support to your endeavors, especially your business. Going it alone only serves to postpone creating the thriving business and life that you truly desire. Share your journey now; don’t wait until you reach your destination to find your community.

I joined the Ultimate Blog Challenge (in fact you can too: Ultimate Blog Challenge) as a way to practice disciplined blogging, get the word out about my business, connect with other business people who are doing the same and have a whole lot fun writing!

This month you’ll get 31 posts on the topics of limiting beliefs (their cause, effect, and what to do about them), change, human excellence, and how all of that determines your success with your business (or anything else in your life). Stick around if you would like to learn the secrets to creating a thriving 6- or 7-figure business.

You’ll also get quick tips about dealing with limiting beliefs and resources if you want to pursue something in more depth.

I’m really looking forward to this challenge and I hope you’ll come with me for the ride.

Tip #1:
Language is the fastest point of entry into learning about your limiting beliefs. When we use phrases like: I can’t, I shouldn’t, what would people think, … always happens, … never happens; we are displaying the results of some of our limiting beliefs.

Try on some of these constructions instead:

I can’t => You are making a choice here. State what you are choosing to do instead of what you “can’t do.” Notice that at this moment in this context you are making this choice. At some other time, in some other context you may or could make a different choice.

I shouldn’t, what would people think => These are a case for examining what values are being violated and whether they are your values or someone else’s. If they are your values, be clear and make the choice. If they are someone else’s values either make them yours and make your choice from there or let them go and make your choice from your values.

Always, never => These words shut down your brain to choice. They make a black and white world for you that prevents you from experiencing and expressing the true richness of our world. Recognizing you have Choice is the key to creating what you want.

Try out these language changes and watch for the changes in you. Leave a comment letting me know the shift you experienced.

One of the biggest mistakes made by solo-entrepreneurs is thinking that an alter-ego is needed to successfully market their business. They buy into the notion that marketing and selling is about shading the truth, tricking people to part with their hard-earned cash and misrepresenting the benefits of their services or products.

From this belief comes the idea that to market their business, they must be someone who is capable subterfuge and deception. BAMM! The personality that is suppose to do marketing collides with who they really are and they decide they will create a successful business without marketing or selling.

Well it is impossible to create a successful business without marketing and selling and anyone who tells you differently is lying to you. Whether you are directly connecting with people who want what you have or your clientele is doing that connection for you, you are marketing and when someone gives you money in exchange for your services or products you are selling.

So what do you do about the belief that marketing and selling are dirty?

First, realize that marketing and selling are processes that allow you to make your dream come true, i.e., impact in the world the way you want through your business. They are tools for the realization of something that is very important to you.

Second, realize that you can go about these processes in any way you please that also gets you the results you want.

You are making your dream come true by being your authentic self and connecting with people who believe your products and services are the solution to their problems. Then for a fair exchange of money you are providing them with that solution. There is NO deception here.

In fact, the only way this version of marketing really works is if you are willing to boldly stand in who you truly are and connect with people from there. The sincerity, honesty, and willingness to be of service whether that benefits you monetarily or not, is what will get you the results you want from your marketing efforts.

Make your marketing your mirror
Reflect who you are and what you value and all those who align with your values and like what they see, will connect with you. Of those, the ones who need their problem solved in your fashion will buy from you. By being your authentic self and connecting with others in joy and integrity you are creating the world you want to be a part of => another definition for marketing.

Are you part of the segment of entrepreneurs that have marketing phobia or have experienced marketing trauma? This is not a small minority of the entrepreneurial population. I’ve seen it mostly with women and mostly in the heart-centered, helping professions: healing, teaching, coaching, serving, supporting. The professions where people with very big passions for changing and healing the world congregate.

Marketing phobia has these symptoms:

• procrastination,
• wild swings of motivation (super excited and moving forward only to crash and burn a little later),
• fear of rejection,
• fear of criticism and judgment,
• fear of not meeting expectations,
• fear of showing who you really are at your core,
• fear taking action or hiding in a flurry of activity
• severe doubt about capability of handling change and challenge

Some of you may be saying, I have all these symptoms at one time or another am I really marketing phobic? Only if these symptoms can stop you dead in your tracks and it takes you days, weeks, months (or even years) to get back on track, do you truly have marketing phobia. If your business is failing or stagnant (and you want it to grow) you may be suffering from marketing phobia.

Another marketing phobia indicator

Most often people with marketing phobia race to another “how-to” course in marketing or in their profession specialty as a way of coping with the phobia. They believe that if they truly knew enough or the right things then marketing would be easy. After all, it is easy for all the people they are learning from, i.e., those people are filling their classes and making money, right?

The real problem

Have you ever wondered why successful marketing coaches are successful? Or even better, how they are successful? Probably. And you probably came to the conclusion that what they are doing, the system they use, the knowledge of marketing that is in their head is what makes them successful. You would be only partly right and unfortunately not the most important part.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not dissing marketing or the people who teach it. It is a very important concept and structure that helps us create systems for creating connection with those who need and want our services most. However, if that was all there was to it then we would all just pick a system that works best for us and our tribe, do what the system dictates and be done with it. We probably wouldn’t need oodles of systems and we certainly wouldn’t need oodles of people to teach us how to market using these systems.

The missing piece

But we have oodles of systems because we are trying to teach something that is not teachable through learning a system for connecting; creating trust, visibility, likability; and offering our wares.

What is this mysterious something that everyone is having difficulty teaching? Before I describe it (because we don’t yet have a name for it), I want to give you a few ideas to try on. First according to Steve Andreas, co-founder of NLP Comprehensive: “…self-esteem is a natural and automatic result of a self-concept that is aligned with your values.” According to Caroline Myss self-esteem is something much greater than self-confidence; it is your core power and that your potential for success in life is determined by how greatly you “esteem” or value who you truly are.

I believe what marketers and marketing coaches are having difficulty teaching is how to become internally congruent when doing the actions that create connection, trust, visibility, likability and also offer our wares. This congruency rests on our self-concepts and our Self-esteem (in the Myss sense).

These three things are simultaneously building blocks with any two being the foundation for the third and also a network that has each one influencing the other two. In other words they are complex system whose interactions register in our internal world as beliefs and in the external world as our behaviors.

How it works

People who are highly successful with their marketing for their business are highly internally congruent when doing their marketing. They have beliefs about what they are capable of, who they are, the meaning of their business to them and to the world that fully support them being their authentic selves while marketing.

Whatever doubts or concerns they have, have been handled with their beliefs about themselves and the world. This is all internal to their mind. What we see on the outside is someone who acts with conviction and decisively, is motivated and gets results. They already have, in the way their minds operate, the most powerful part of their success. When the client also has the internal congruency and then is taught “the system,” they experience the profound success of their mentor/coach.

With internal congruency, supporting self-concepts and Self-esteem you can have success with or without a system because if you don’t have a system you will automatically make one up that works for you. If you have a system but not the internal structure that aligns with the system, you’ll never have success.

Change can happen rapidly and easily

Changing beliefs, behaviors, self-concepts, or self-esteem can happen as a result of simply doing different behaviors, however that kind of change was already in the offing. When a person is seriously stuck, as in marketing phobia, the more a person tries to change by changing behavior, the harder it becomes to do the new behavior and the more intense the symptoms of the problem become.

That is when a belief change specialist, like me, is required. Someone who can align the person’s self-concepts with their values, heal wounds that undermine self-esteem, create congruency, and reframe limiting views in order to create flexible responses and increase choices. When this is done appropriately, the person gains an internal sense of capacity, clarity and lightness that propels them forward enabling them to act with commitment and consistency in achieving the results they want.

These changes can happen rapidly and easily. They can also drag on depending on the person’s openness to change and exploring themselves. The changes should not be viewed as ‘fixing’ someone. We are not broken. The changes are part of a journey we are always on to congruency and authentic self expression. You might also term the destination of this journey as Whole Life Health.

So a person with market phobia can completely and congruently remove the phobia by restructuring their beliefs, aligning their perceptions and framing of the outside world with their self-concepts and their values, and developing their Self-esteem.

What you can do about it

If you’ve experienced inertia, procrastination, crippling fears and doubts, inability to act or stay in action with your marketing there is a way for you to completely change your experience with and reaction to marketing so that you can marry the creative authentic you to the financially successful you for a whole you that operates with integrity and grace; easily claiming your expertise and sharing your gifts with those who need and want you most.

• Are you ready to take all that knowledge and learning you’ve accumulated and put it to work for you?
• Are you ready to empower yourself so you can improve your life and the lives of others?
• Would it be OK with you if marketing your business became easy and fun?

Then contact me for your free “Breakthrough Marketing Phobia” Session at drlik@beliefbreakthrough.com

A new perspective on what really gets you fired up

When we lack motivation, what we think we need more of is will power. That if we were truly good at what we do (and by inference truly good human beings) we would have the will power to create all the motivation we need for whatever we want.

Having these thoughts can cause you a lot of anguish and that anguish only fuels the fires of de-motivation. Let’s look at this from another perspective that can help you decipher what is really happening to your motivation.

More will power does not equal more motivation

First, let go of the notion that more will power gets you more motivation. Will power is actually a result of super motivation. What looks like will power to the rest of us is only a highly congruent and motivated person’s mode of behaving. I say “only” because once you are in that highly congruent state (all fibers of your being want what you are going for), you easily and naturally act in a way that is judged to have a lot of will power.

Second, your abundance or lack of motivation is an indicator of your internal state: what you believe, who you think you are and your values. When you believe you are capable and deserving of what you want, that a person like you can achieve that want and that the want supports your values, you are congruent. The internal congruency will provide all the motivation you need to get you what you want.

When there are limiting beliefs like: I don’t have what it takes; this is too hard; I’m too ______ (fill in the blank); I could never ________; I never get what I want; work is hard; I’m not good enough; you have to work hard for money; it’s a jungle out there; just to name a few, these beliefs filter how we see the world, what we think we are capable of and what we think is possible. They touch and color every aspect of our lives creating the experience we call reality. Empowering beliefs do the same on the positive side making it possible for each of us to do things that amaze us and those around us.

If your beliefs don’t support you, you can forget motivation

What is important when it comes to motivation is whether the beliefs we hold are supporting us getting what we want or hindering us. When our beliefs support us or in other words are congruent with what we want, the motivation is automatically there. We don’t have to manufacture it or the will power to get what we want.

So what is happening when I can’t motivate myself to get new clients?

Now let’s bring this into specifics about how your motivation is affecting attracting the ideal clients for you. And let’s further focus on “not having enough motivation.” We easily distract ourselves with tasks that seem to be important, we don’t have the energy to do what we know we need to do and at the end of the day, week, month we are no closer to our goal of ‘x’ new clients (even one new one would be nice).

Ask yourself the question: “Who would I have to be to attract the clients I want?” What is the image that comes to mind? Or the words or feelings? These are the beliefs (or clues to the beliefs) you hold about what is possible for you and your business. Next ask: “If I were that person (or had that trait), what would that mean?” Keep asking these questions of yourself until you turn up some “aha’s.” Write them down.

These two questions: who would I be and what would that mean, get at the heart of our beliefs and the value judgments we make from those beliefs. When the value judgment does not match with our values we have an internal incongruity and moving forward in that place of incongruity ranges from a little bit difficult to impossible. These questions also point to us to our view of the world. A implies B; given A we must get B.

The magic is in your “hands”

Here is the magic. The set of beliefs you find is only one set that can be arrived at from the experiences you’ve had. The set of value judgments are only one set of judgments that can be made from that set of beliefs. There are many, many different ways to generate a set of beliefs and value judgments out of a set of experiences all with varying degrees of creating congruity. We are not stuck with the single version of reality that we’ve created. What I believe, is that the world is flexible enough and each of us is creative enough that we can generate the beliefs that support our values and spur us on to the action that gets us what we truly desire. Decide what you want to believe in and watch level of your motivation and business, rise.

Send me an email at drlik@beliefbreakthrough.com and let me know what your aha’s are.